Today is a weird day

Have you ever hid yourself in a public toilet to cry because you have nowhere else to go?
Well, I have.

I recall years ago when I decided to stick with Journalism even when studying abroad, people kept telling me how hard it will be for me, and I myself was also well aware that it will be nothing but tough. I knew, but I still thought that somehow I could make it, I knew that top grades might not be in my reach, but at least I could hold a degree in my hand at the end.

It’s been years since then and I thought I somehow got out of that fear of a hard study time because now I am used to the life overseas, as well as the way of studying already. I didn’t know that the risk of failure is still right there.

So often I feel like no matter how hard I try and how much effort I put in, rewards are always out of my reach and I can never get a decent mark. A major assignment which I put so much time and effort in, hoping it would just gain something I deserved, ended up with a mark that wasn’t even enough to make me pass, forget about D or HD. A little piece of news I produced, thinking it was perfect and nothing different from those in the paper, ended up being barely Pass. No… I think some of you can never understand. I just lost hope and motivation, I don’t know what to do, and whether there is any difference if I still keep trying next time…

I don’t want to be a loser. Never.


Today while I was searching for books for my assignment, I overheard a man talking to the librarian about *I guess* how to search for stuff in the library database, and other things as well. I wasn’t meant to hear, just that I was close and they were relatively loud. However I didn’t pay attention, at least not until I finished my search and he also finished asking, he turned his back a little bit and I by chance took a look at his direction. A shock. He was so familiar. I recalled few days ago when I was in computer lab I also saw this man and my head automatically went to “Alert”. He looked just like the man I met two years ago in State library, who haunted me for a long time. And finally when the librian asked his name and he said “Ramesh”, I knew right there that I crossed another scary coincidence. That man goes to uni, and goes to the same one with me.

Did I talk about my university in my encounter with him two years ago?

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